Chapter 2: Hellooooo Nurse!

On a bed, in a white room, a uniform clad student over six feet in height writhed in agony.  Stuck in a nightmare, he experienced horrible trauma, over and over again.  Finally, like the bursting of a dam, he sat ramrod straight while crying out the identify of his tormentor.


Xander quickly felt at his nose to see if the spectral splinters were still stuck up there.  With his index fingers shoved inside his nostrils, Xander heard a feminine voice call out, “Ara?  You’re awake.”

In this sanctuary of medical sterility, the holy temple of healing, was the goddess of this place.  With a white coat denoting her position hanging from her shoulders with its hem being played with by the wind from an open window; the caretaker of all boys dreams turned on her swivel seat to look at Xander.  Who still had his fingers shoved up his nose.

“…Huh,” uttered Xander, the sound distorted by his blocked nostrils.  Silence pervaded the room until Xander finally pulled his fingers out with a slight pop, and asked nonchalantly, “Hey, Daphne, you got any hand sanitizer in here?”

The school nurse was kind of put off her guard and couldn’t properly respond at first saying, “…Umm, Xander, isn’t your response a little anticlimactic?  I mean, the script put a lot of effort into my introduction.”

“Sorry Daphne, I’m just really disappointed is all, and I can’t play along.”


“Oh, there’s the sanitizer.”

“Don’t change the subject!  Why on earth would you be disappointed with me!  Why are you disappointed?!”

“You’re repeating yourself, Daphne.”

“I don’t care!  Why are you disappointed?!”

Rubbing his hands dry, Xander turned back to the angry and pouting Daphne who’s standing with her hands in balled up fists being held down by her sides.  With a sigh, Xander goes into what quickly turns into a rant.

“Because a school nurse is suppose to be a tall, large bosomed beauty with long legs who wears nothing but a miniskirt and a cleavage exposing button up blouse, with a cold and collected atmosphere and a hidden sadistic streak allowing her to toy with the fantasies of the young adults under her care!  And that is the absolute furthest thing in the world from you!”

“Guh,” remarked Daphne, as though she’d be struck.  “I-I know I’m not very tall-”

“You’re the opposite of tall.”

“I already said I know that!  But I’m still pretty good looking, if I say so myself.  And I worked hard on dressing up for this role!”

“Daphne, you’ve got this really nice Sandra Bullock with lighter brown hair thing going on for you.  You’ve got some nice measurements, and you’ve got a great face.  But are you honestly telling me you dressed up for this role?”

“Yes!  Look, see!”

Daphne spun a little three sixty turn showing off her ensemble.  Xander crossed an arm and pinched the bridge of his nose before saying, “Daphne.  You’re wearing three layers of clothes.  Four if you count the doctor’s coat.  Which is so long on you it’s trailing on the floor.  You’re suppose to be able to see the outline of a school nurse’s bra through her shirt, Daphne.  I couldn’t see your bra right now if I had X-Ray vision.”

“Wha- I- like wearing layers, they compliment each other!”

“I’m not saying they don’t Daphne,” said Xander, his tone of voice saying that the clothes did not in fact compliment each other.  “But that’s the kind of outfit I’d expect an overly sensitive art instructor to be wearing.  Yeah.  Daphne, you are far more suited to being a clumsy and well meaning home room teacher than a nurse.  Even though you’re not a loli-baba, your height, style, and clothes are far more suited to such a role.  It was a mistake to cast you as a nurse in the first place.”

“We didn’t have any choice, Xander.  I’m the only healer in the series, so the role fell to me whether I liked it or not.”

“Then we should have hired some bosomy supermodel to tart up the role,” said Xander with full conviction.  “Then all our problems would have been solved.”

“You know we can’t afford any new hires, not with the going rate for speaking roles!”

“Then we should have cut this scene entirely!”

“If he had, then we never would have been able to explain how you went from being a torn up pile of pudding into a healed up human being.”

Xander paused, looked down at himself and asked, “Hey, yeah, how was I healed?  Are we using healing magic in this spin off series already?”

Daphne shook her head.  “No.  We’re trying to be more realistic in Maoujanai, so no magic.”

“Then how did you heal me?”

“With bandages.  Bandages cure everything, you know?”

Xander checked himself again and found completely superfluous bandages covering his arms under his coat sleeves and around his neck, with one pasted over his nose for some reason, and a final one wrapped around his forehead.

“…Just bandages?”

“Yes.  Just bandages.”

“…So much for realism.”  Xander sighed and said, “Whatever, I’m tired of caring.  How long was I unconscious?  Is school over for the day?”

“You missed the short homeroom period.  The Opening Assembly presentation will be starting soon, you can still make it to that.”

“Wonderful,” said Xander with full sarcasm.  “Well, I’d better get going.  I don’t want to get there late and stand out on my first day of class.  For some reason.  I don’t really get why Ja- I mean, the people of a certain country think being unique is a bad thing.  Bye Daphne, and good luck tarting yourself up for future appearances.”

“I don’t need luck for that!  I’ll show you how sexy I can be, Xander!”

“Okay, I’ll look forward to it.  Bye.”

As Xander left the nurse’s office, those words of Daphne’s chased his back.  Walking with a rhythm in his head, and a slight swagger to his step, Xander passed a couple school girls in the hall.  Their attention was taken by the inordinately tall high schooler, and they started gossiping, Girl A to Girl B.

“Did you see that huge guy?”  (A)

“Yeah!  What’s up with all those bandages he’s wearing?”  (B)

“I dunno.  He’s probably some kind of ultra chuunibyou.”  (A)

“Yeah, we should tell all our friends about him.”  (B)

5 thoughts on “Chapter 2: Hellooooo Nurse!

  1. Wow I’m so late to this. Your description of the average anime school nurse was spot on. Was Daphne really that short? I have to go back to her introduction chapter.

    Ah yes Ja- I mean that certain country where having naturally blonde hair makes you a delinquent, according to anime.

    Liked by 1 person

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