Okay folks. Here’s the next chapter. I’m too sleepy to think of a witty way to present it to you, so here’s chapter 16.
On the other hand, I have a random rant that may insult or offend some people, but I’ve been wanting to complain about it for some time. Stop reading if you skin is thin with religion. Or if you’re Mormon.
A few weeks ago, some Mormon missionaries came to my front door. Now, I’m a Christian, I’m just gonna say that up front.
These two Mormon gals in that time period of life where they’re more likely to be referred to as cute than as pretty, and they were neither, they opened by asking my knowledge of the bible. I flat out told them I go to a church down the way. They kept their sales pitch going after that. Grrrr.
They then used the words, “In this world that is getting worse by the day.” The fuck is that?! The world is getting better by the day! Polio vaccine! No more Cold War and threat of atomic holocaust! No black death, or risk of the local lord taking your bride away from you for the first night! Government supervision and video games, bitches! Things keep getting better and better! ANYONE who claims the world is getting worse, is trying to prey on your fears to sell you something!
I politely brought up my view on this, and the two gals enjoyed the fact that I was upbeat about the direction the world was headed towards.
Then they started talking about a Mormon prophet. Ugh. About how their church was all in behind him. Grah. And how they are going around to raise awareness of him and his teachings and classes. BLUGH!
We got to talking about prophets after that, and the fact that my church, who I know and trust, don’t know dick about this guy and if he was worth listening to, worth FOLLOWING instead of the scholar of a pastor that has been my personal rock star since I was a kid, then I think he would have been brought to my notice a while ago.
I was trying to dismiss these two girls nicely. I had yet to say anything offensive at this point. But they kept pushing. So the kid gloves came off.
I flat out told them, I want nothing to do with the Church of Mormon.
Then I started listing out reasons. That their founder was a con man who dictated their book, quite literally, out of his hat, and that no one else was EVER allowed to see these sacred tablets. “But this one other, single solitary person ever was allowed to see them.” Bitches! If Moses came down from the Mount with the ten commandments, but hid them under his robes and said, “Oh! No! No one but me is allowed to see them! Ever! Just, you know, trust that every single word I say is the voice of God. I’ll just seal these things away from EVERYONE for all time, and just tell you what they say every once in a while. Wait, I got the wording wrong sometimes. Ugh, that’s also God’s will… Hey! My best buddy, right hand man, and total lacky Aaron has read them too! So, since a second person claims they’re real, they totally are!”
If Moses went down in history like that, what the hell kind of legacy would you expect for him?
And another thing. The tablets were Gold? Okay, Mormons. Seriously? When has God ever. EVER! Given the OK for something of his that’s sacred to be made out of pure gold!? God cast down the entire nation of Israel into slavery for worshiping gold! God only operates on the level of “KABAM! The entire horizon is dyed red by my fiery pillars” or the level of “I shall work miracles through the lowest and most looked down upon people, for humility is a true virtue.” God doesn’t value GOLD. PEOPLE value gold. When someone claims that God gave them a gold ANYTHING, he’s full of shit.
And the claim that Native Americans were white people who had sinned so horribly that god forsook them and changed their forms… just… wow.
And I’m pretty sure that the bible… I mean, the old testament’s purpose is to be a tomb of the history of the tribes of Judah, the creation of the world, and the great miracles of God upon our mortal world. But most importantly, they are prophecies of the coming of the Savior, the lamb of hosts, Jesus Effing Christ, who will forgive our sins by taking them upon himself, who is the only perfect and unsinful being, thereby purifying us enough to bridge the gap between the Perfect Father, and our Fallen Selves so we may have fun and LAN Tournaments for all eternity in Heaven.
The New Testament is the teachings of Jesus Christ himself which founded the basic moral guidelines of our society. Love your neighbor as you love yourselves, people! And followed the life of the Savior as he fulfilled all the prophecies about him, even the ones for after he died, which he would have had no control over. The entire New Testament is about making us all better people, and getting us right with God under the new covenant that was sanctified through the blood of Jesus, so that we might find love and happiness on earth as well as in heaven.
So what is the fucking point of the Book of Mormon? Did Jesus or God miss a few lines they wanted to include in “The History of the World” and “How To Go Directly To Heaven?” Jesus purposely destroyed all the rules the nation of Israel was forcing their people to follow because they were getting in the way of their relationship with God. And the Book of Mormon comes along saying, “Okay, NOW Jesus wants you to follow THESE rules! Forget the teachings of the New Testament!”
And I ended my chewing out session by telling the girls that they deeply offended me early on after I’d told them I was a Christian, and they kept in on their sales pitch. As though my being a Christian wasn’t good enough for them. As though I wasn’t “Saved” in their eyes. And it pissed me the hell off that they didn’t care about that enough to even pause in trying to sell me something.
Oh, they wanted to make good with me after that, their eyes started doing the puppy dog thing, but I was already done with them. They’d only try to turn it around into another sales pitch, because that was what they were assigned to do. I accepted their apology anyway, and then kindly closed the door on them.
Despite the rude wording of my rant, I was a (mostly) perfect gentleman to them. Rants just end up with impolite language. They’re rants.
Anywho, I went out for groceries about a half hour later. I saw those two girls sitting in the sun on the sidewalk at the corner of my street. They looked depressed and introspective. I really hope I shattered their faith in a con man and made them reflect over forcefully trying to convert people from Jesus to John Smith.
The tree planted in poisoned earth produces poisoned fruit. Bitch.